So I’m just talking with Rik on messenger and he says I have to blog this, and I’m a little afraid to do so… but yes it has to be done. Our conversation as is:
michael :Hello Rik
Just read your blog
and posted a childish comment
I quite enjoyed the half-cut blathering by the way
rikabel: thanks!
yes, it’s MEANT to sound like arse bandit, silly
michael :thought so… I like to point out the obvious see - how r u today?
rikabel :i’m okay, thanks, although i feel a little down
but that’s just seasonal, ALWAYS happens after the clocks change
how are you?
michael :depressed
rikabel :oh dear
michael :I had a very very weird day yesterday… this guy I met at Berlitz (in his 50s) suddenly got in touch and we went for a drink togther
he can drink a lot
he’s from Middlesbrough see
rikabel :right
michael :and he likes Doctor Who… so we seemed to have plenty in common… then… he says come back to my house so we do… and he shows me a video he took at Aushwitz
and then I notice something on his wall… Ken, I said, why do you have an SS uniform on your wall?
rikabel :oh
double oh
also, you HAVE To blog this
michael:It’s beautiful he said, I like it. It’s a work of art.
rikabel :they WERE snappy dressers, those Waffen SS fellows…
never mind all the jew-burning connotations
michael :then he says… would you like to see a Roxy music video? so I’m like ok, why not. Oh Bryan Ferry he says… beautiful man… over and over again…
rikabel :oh dear
but also, HA HA HA HA!
michael :then… he starts slating into the backing singers…
for being “niggers”
rikabel: right
niggers
michael :I’m like: “WHAT?”
rikabel :well, he IS from Middlesbrough
blog it!
michael :“don’t say that….” “why not? they do?” “but it’s racist” “I’m not racist mate, I love Muhammad Ali. I love Martin Luther King” “Well, alright then.” “F#cking Niggers! Nothing good ever came of that lot” “WHAT?”
“The white race is obviously superior.”
“WHAT?”
rikabel:priceless
michael :“Are you being serious” I was holding out a vain hope he was just trying to wind me up see
rikabel :more!
with his comedy SS uniform and all…
michael :“How can you think such things?”
“Is there a black Beethoven? Is there a black Schubert?”
“WHAT?”
guess what his last words of the evening were
rikabel: did you tell him they invented jazz?
erm, death to all non-white nigger jews?
michael :“Heil Hitler”
rikabel: oh jesus christ
you TOTALLY have to blog it
and expose the c#nt
wow
really though, that’s quite a day
michael:with a big smile on his face… well, I could and then maybe he’d find it and beat the crap out of me… he’s a bit of a big nutter
rikabel:will you be seeing him again
michael:he wants to be friends with me
rikabel: maybe it was just racist horseplay?
haha
michael:mailed me earlier - said he really enjoyed our day
rikabel :also, heil hitler!
michael:he’s not someone you would want to cross though
rikabel:no? big lad?
way psycho, obviously
michael:huge aryan poster boy actually yes
also his wife hates Koreans
“They all hate us and everything they say is lies! Lies!”
that was a two minute conversation after I’d just met her
rikabel :wow
what a pair of prize c#nts
michael :his wife is japanese see
rikabel :why the f#ck are they there, then?
oh
michael:he loves kyoto… I suppose I should have sensed something was amiss when he said he wanted to murder his sister
rikabel :i had a slightly similar but nowhere near as amusing/scary experience a few weeks back
michael:really?
rikabel :yeah…
i was minding my own business reading in starbucks…
michael:as you do
rikabel:this fat middle-aged geezer sat next to me
michael :ok
rikabel :kept glancing at me…i figured he was going to try to make conversation
‘okay’ i thought..
so he starts talking to me, about how he’s just back visiting from the far east, where he lives…
he’s reading the daily mail…
michael:ah
rikabel:and he says ‘wouldn’t want to move back here now…whole countries going to the dogs, innit’
gesturing at paper
michael:since the darkies started moving in?
rikabel :i’m like ‘well, don’t believe everything you read it that paper’
‘course, i work in manufacturing, tooling…’
‘i COULD move back, but i’d have to live in Birmingham…’
rikabel:uh-oh, i thought…
michael:haha
rikabel:“and that would be a problem?” i asked, not entirely innocently
michael:haha
rikabel :“well, you know, it’s full of ASIANS, innit…”
“and they all want us DEAD”
michael :he lives in Asia! how ironic!
rikabel :surely the far east is full of asians, i asked?
michael :haha
rikabel :“nah, iss those MOOSLIMS”
murderous lot
michael:hahahahaha
MOOSLIMS
brilliant
rikabel:at which point i said “i’m going now, GOODBYE”
and left
michael :haha
good one
rikabel :yeah ,thanks
you don’t get that so much in Cambridge, obviously
michael :ok I shall copy our conversation and post it - hopefully he won’t find my blog and rip my head off
rikabel :how would he find your blog?
unless he googles your name…
and hey, why would he do that?
michael :he likes me
rikabel :well, if he does google your name, you are f#cked
michael :well, and truly
rikabel :you haven’t got a sword for protection, then?
michael:no - my usual tactic is to run away
rikabel:that’s the very best tactic
michael :he was the best fighter at St. Michael’s apparently
people would come from far and wide just for a scrap
rikabel :nice
So that’s that then.
I weep for our planet and humanity. Holy shit.
Speaking of nutters, I recall as a student once doing my laundry at the laundromat when I was approached by a rather overweight bedraggled-looking elderly woman who asked me if I’d do her the favour of throwing her socks into my wash. I can’t remember if I did or not, thinking “ok, she’s a bit crazy and down on her luck, surely I can wash her freaking socks”. So I might have. I think I did.
Anyway, she sat down next to me and rambled for a bit about the weather, the city, all innocuous stuff, and then, THEN she started on about, uhm, penises. I kept trying to change the subject, but she went on and on in this rather shocking and enthusiastic manner about cocks, how she loved them, how she loved BIG cocks, how many cocks she’s seen, and the types of cocks that exist out there. As she grew more animated, I grew more uncomfortable, and I think I told her I had to study or something. I do recall escaping or shutting it down, but only just barely.
Fortunately, we never exchanged names, and I’m pretty sure she’ll never google me.
Good story! Thanks for that! That made my day when I read it earlier.